Redneck Midlife Meltdown (Original Lyrics)

[Verse 1] Well I woke up this mornin’ in my truck’s back seat Wearing jeans too tight and boots too neat I got hair plugs ordered off the internet And a tattoo that says "No Regrets" "spelled wrong yet" [Pre-Chorus] I’m crankin’ Skynyrd louder than my heart can take Bought a Harley and a boat, now my back’s gonna break My wife’s real confused, my kids just stare Cause I dyed my beard and pierced my ear... down there [Chorus] It’s a redneck midlife meltdown, boys I’ve lost my mind Tryin’ to find my youth somewhere past that "county line" I’m drinkin’ protein shakes with whiskey chasers Tryin’ to outrun Father Time’s erasers It’s a redneck midlife meltdown, hang on for the ride Took my truck through mud, now it rattles at the light Chasin’ dreams... "Zyn" Chills and chiropractor bills Cause this CRISIS comes with Advil and feels [Verse 2] I quit my job to start a bait shop band Playing ‘90s hits from Garth and Alabama’s jams Grew a mullet ‘cause it’s “comin’ back" Now my daughter’s ashamed, my son won’t react [Pre-Chorus] I’m bench pressin’ feelings I ain’t felt in years Tried TikTok dancin’, threw out my hip right here Got a vape in one hand, kale shake in the other Lookin’ like my dad, but actin’ like my brother [Chorus] It’s a redneck midlife meltdown, boys I’ve lost my mind Tryin’ to find my youth somewhere past that county line I’m flirtin’ with "waitresses" half my age Thinkin’ I’m cool, but I’m just a hot mess sage It’s a redneck midlife meltdown, somebody save my soul Bought a muscle car but pulled my groin, actin' bold Chasin’ dreams... "Zyn" Chills and chiropractor bills Cause this crisis comes with Advil and feels [Bridge] I’m googlin’ Botox and hair transplant scams Tryin’ to turn this old bull into a young ram Got a Fitbit to measure my stress And a Tinder profile my wife didn’t bless [Outro] So here’s to the fellas who hit that wall When the mirror starts fightin’ and the jeans get small We ain’t crazy — just temporarily dumb In our redneck midlife meltdown, y’all better run [Bridge] I’m googlin’ Botox and hair transplant scams Tryin’ to turn this old bull into a young ram Got a Fitbit to measure my stress And a Tinder profile my wife didn’t bless [Outro] So here’s to the fellas who hit that wall When the mirror starts fightin’ and the jeans get small We ain’t crazy — just temporarily dumb In our redneck midlife meltdown, y’all better run