(Verse 1) Been home a couple hours now, the door's still slightly ajar The streetlights paint the window pane, a hazy, blurry scar My head's a-throbbin', memory's a fog, a swirling, misty scene And then it hits me, like a punch, a horrifying routine. (Verse 2) What the hell? Why did I leave my shoes and socks still on my feet? This ain't my usual homecoming, this ain't remotely neat. And why the hell did I keep my pants on? The question burns inside 'Cause the next thing I remember, well, I truly want to hide. (Verse 3) (Get off meeee!) A muffled yell, a phantom touch, a ghost of fright The replay starts to flicker, bathed in pale moonlight Why? Why? Why? Whyyyyyy? The question echoes in my brain, The answer’s grim and sickening, a source of endless pain. (Verse 4) I kicked my pants, my very pants, right into my drink, you see! Aaahhhhhhh! Shit! The truth explodes, a bitter memory. My perfectly good cocktail now a soggy, fabric mess Tonight's a wash, a total loss, a drunken, pants-soaked mess. (Outro) Oh, the shame, the sheer, unadulterated shame, Of kicking pants in cocktails, whispering my name. Next time, I swear, I'll take my shoes and socks right off, Before I make a spectacle, and cause myself such scoff!
