Fat Squirrel Hate Parade

(Shh...) They’re back again… …with cheeks full of crime. Oh, I had a lovely garden, peaceful and divine, Till the fuzzballs came in with their gluttonous design! They waddled through the hedges with their twitchy little butts, Now all my birdseed’s gone—those fluffy, fluffy sluts! It’s the Fat Squirrel Hate Parade! Marchin’ through your lawn, like a nutty motorcade! Stealin’ all your snacks with zero shame displayed— Put your hands up high! Your feeder's been raaaid! Chunky-tailed anarchists! With their beady little eyes and their biscuit-bakin' wrists, They don't pay rent, but they sure get fed— I swear one just winked and then played dead. I tried to make a trap with acorns and glue... But they built a trebuchet and launched it through my shoe! I bought a squirrel-proof feeder—it was top of the line— Next day? Empty feeder. And a squirrel flipping signs. ("Free the Fat!" "No Nuts, No Peace.") They do parkour on my porch swing... Organize raids like a cult king... Wrote a manifesto in tree bark ink… (And I swear one’s wearing a monocle and a mink.) It’s the Fat Squirrel Hate Parade! They’re eatin’ like kings on a nut charade! They steal your snacks and they throw grenades— Acorn bombs rollin’ down the fire escape! They're squatters in the canopy! Tiny woodland mob with a caffeine spree, They’ve unionized, now they demand pay— I caught one mugging pigeons in broad day! 🕶️ So here I stand… in my garden of pain… My sunflowers droop, and I whisper your name... “Squirrel.” You round tyrant of tyranny. You marshmallow menace. You peanut-lovin' punk. (...but also you're kinda cute. Dang it.)